You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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