What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
