Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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