So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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