i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
