Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
