I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
