I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
