My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and she was petting her beer can
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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