I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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