My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and she was petting her beer can
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
