If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
