OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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