He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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