Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
