how can u be prego again
another moral hangover. fuck.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
