We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
