you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
