you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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