She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
