Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
