I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
