Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
