Farmville is her only friend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
