he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
