I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
