she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
