the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
