Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
