Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
