Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
