I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
