Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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