You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
