of course. lets lasso hookers.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
