is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
