Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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