I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
