Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
