You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
