Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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