we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
