I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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