I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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