one two three fourrrrnication!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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