Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
where am i from again
i love accidental penises.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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