I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
