Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
