The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My life is pants optional.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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