weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
